Tag Archives: wife

trust

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It’s something that is so difficult for me to develop. It takes time, experience, mistakes to be taken, second chances, third chances, a lifetime of chances to be given. It also takes prayer and lots and lots of love.

My trust has been tested many many times. Over and over again. Nonstop. To this day. I still have problems with trust. So with the slightest lack of affirmation, denial of wrong doings, or hidden truths, I will be set back. I will lose trust in another person. It will take time to get it back. For you to be trustworthy again, it will take effort on your part.

Often we look for a simple explanation, apology or just to be heard and understood. If these are not met then how can you trust that person again?

It all comes down to this – love. Genuine love. Genuine feelings of unconditional love for another. If you truly love one another it will be easy to provide an apology, allow them to be heard, affirm their value to you, be open and honest of all things. Empathize. Forgive. Treat them as you want to be treated.

In my life, I’ve seen and realized the most difficult of all, apologize. Apologize if you have hurt their feelings. Recognize your mistake and apologize. You may think you did nothing wrong, but in their eyes, you did, and it hurt, and they may feel betrayed and may no longer trust you. But sometimes a simple recognition of what you did and apologizing for it shows how much they are of value to you. Putting your own ego aside. From there, trust can rebuild and bonds become stronger.

But if we don’t humble ourselves, admit to wrongdoing, acknowledge that we in fact can hurt someone else’s feelings, because we are not perfect, it has the potential of destroying the relationship. Genuine love, unconditionally loving one another will restore these broken ties but it takes work and effort if we don’t take the first step with empathy and humbleness.

On the other end of the equation is forgiveness. We are all so prideful that we may never apologize because in our eyes we can never do wrong. It’s so important to be humble, acknowledge our mistakes and grow from them to become a better human being. With apology and forgiveness there is room for more love. Forgiving one another and also, forgiving yourself.

If I cannot forgive myself for my own human mistakes, then it would be difficult to forgive or accept another person’s. We, as women, tend to be so hard on ourselves. We expect more from ourselves, forgetting that we can only do or take so much. We have limits. This is ok.. to have limits. To say no. To walk away. To put ourselves first. To be forgiving. And realize that other’s need this too.

With forgiveness and unconditional love of self and others, trusting would be much easier no? Actually, no. There are so many other factors and elements that influence our ability to trust. Like past experiences, childhood, betrayals, relationships, blahblahblah this can go on and on and on…

But if we keep faith, have love, light heart and laughter, maybe it will be easier. Maybe.

Love In The Time Of Quarantine

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Being married during this time is interesting. Well, I haven’t ever been married before, let alone during a quarantine. So my perspective is fresh and a bunch of firsts for me. Nor have I ever lived through a pandemic where we were forced to isolate ourselves at home. We are stuck at home. We are forced to stay inside. We are forced to face our family members, spouses, children, loved ones, roommates, 24-7. The only escape is work (if you’re an essential worker) or a short stint to the corner store (if it’s open) or better yet, walking your dog. Irritation levels are at its max.

I dedicate this post to my husband, mainly because he is the most patient, caring, calm, loving human being in my life and who has the biggest frikin ego I know. The one person that has vowed to love me, support me, care for me till our dying days. Damn that’s a long time! Lol!

These past few months have not been easy. Throw us into a pandemic when we have to stay in a small house regardless of bad days, moody days, overwhelming days, covid days. We don’t always want to address the issues. And at times we don’t. But we try to get to a better place every time. Even though we don’t know what we’re doing.

I have learned a lot about us. I’ve learned about what it takes to be married to each other. I have definitely had to re-learn things I’ve forgotten about him, as well as myself, and then us as a couple. I’m still learning when and how to shut my mouth and listen. To trust the process. To work on progression. To be the best person I possibly could be as a wife and stepmother. I’m still a work in progress. This is going to take more than quarantine to get to where I want to be.

Admitting when we are hurt, upset, wrong, to each other is something we have to work on. This quarantine is forcing us to face it head on. I am no where near perfect. I’m still working on my faults. And maybe it’s the universe’s way of saying, “stay inside and take care of your shit! Get through it together!”.

I know that sometimes words do not say it all. Half of it is actions that speak volumes. I hope that I can continue to show him how much he is appreciated and grateful for what he has taught me and given me this far. For being patient with me and simply loving me.

Every argument, discussion, date, meal, time we share together is a growing period for me and as well as us, as husband and wife.

“Who is that lucky woman in the scrubs married to that handsome, sweet guy?”

That’s me.

How do you show your spouse/partner they are appreciated? What do you do to get through the rough times during the pandemic to minimize irritation? How are you all keeping sane right now?

What if it’s love?

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What if it’s not love?

Then what…

What if you’re 9 years married and realize, it wasn’t love this whole time? What if it was just 9 years of feeling different feelings never felt before, nostalgia, infatuation, comfort, time fillers, built into a wall of resentment that no longer allows the light of love but becomes a place of greys, shadows and two toned rainbows?

What if 15 years into the marriage you realize, love is not unconditional? That it’s based on pure conditions. You realize that what you thought what you had with him or her is not what it is today and all of a sudden, 7 years later, a light bulb turns on, you see the light, a sliver of bright light comes through a little crack in the wall and tears it down exposing truth.

What if you get married and realize 3 years into the marriage it’s work? It’s too much work. That the effort of working on the marriage isn’t worth it. That he or she is not worth the effort. That you don’t have the energy. That you no longer feel love for one another.

You feel exhausted. Pure exhaustion.

They don’t see the truth. They refuse to see the light. They refuse to let go. They refuse to admit there is anything wrong. They refuse to see what they’ve become. They refuse to let go of their egos. They refuse to admit wrong. They are always right. That you’re over reacting or your response is lacking. She goes unnoticed. He is no longer noticing.

When do you let go though?

When do you not let go?

When do you stay and fight?

When do you give in and declare defeat?

What if it’s not love anymore? What if it never was?

What if, whatever it is, it’s just not enough?

Apologize. Forgive. Put effort into it if they are worth it to you. If it is love then show them. If you know she is what love is to you, that he is your heart, that she is the heart of your heart, he is your rock, she is your partner in crime. Then you fight, you don’t let go, you work hard, you stay together for better or worse. When your hard work isn’t enough, work harder. You love and apologize and forgive.

But if you know in your heart it is not love. It no longer is or never was. Don’t waste anyone’s time anymore. Be honest. Apologize. Forgive. Love and move on.

What is or was your experience(s) with marriage? What have you learned? What do you want us to know? Why did you get married? Any regrets?