What if it’s not love?

Then what…

What if you’re 9 years married and realize, it wasn’t love this whole time? What if it was just 9 years of feeling different feelings never felt before, nostalgia, infatuation, comfort, time fillers, built into a wall of resentment that no longer allows the light of love but becomes a place of greys, shadows and two toned rainbows?

What if 15 years into the marriage you realize, love is not unconditional? That it’s based on pure conditions. You realize that what you thought what you had with him or her is not what it is today and all of a sudden, 7 years later, a light bulb turns on, you see the light, a sliver of bright light comes through a little crack in the wall and tears it down exposing truth.

What if you get married and realize 3 years into the marriage it’s work? It’s too much work. That the effort of working on the marriage isn’t worth it. That he or she is not worth the effort. That you don’t have the energy. That you no longer feel love for one another.

You feel exhausted. Pure exhaustion.

They don’t see the truth. They refuse to see the light. They refuse to let go. They refuse to admit there is anything wrong. They refuse to see what they’ve become. They refuse to let go of their egos. They refuse to admit wrong. They are always right. That you’re over reacting or your response is lacking. She goes unnoticed. He is no longer noticing.

When do you let go though?

When do you not let go?

When do you stay and fight?

When do you give in and declare defeat?

What if it’s not love anymore? What if it never was?

What if, whatever it is, it’s just not enough?

Apologize. Forgive. Put effort into it if they are worth it to you. If it is love then show them. If you know she is what love is to you, that he is your heart, that she is the heart of your heart, he is your rock, she is your partner in crime. Then you fight, you don’t let go, you work hard, you stay together for better or worse. When your hard work isn’t enough, work harder. You love and apologize and forgive.

But if you know in your heart it is not love. It no longer is or never was. Don’t waste anyone’s time anymore. Be honest. Apologize. Forgive. Love and move on.

What is or was your experience(s) with marriage? What have you learned? What do you want us to know? Why did you get married? Any regrets?