Tag Archives: dating

trust

Posted on by
Reply

It’s something that is so difficult for me to develop. It takes time, experience, mistakes to be taken, second chances, third chances, a lifetime of chances to be given. It also takes prayer and lots and lots of love.

My trust has been tested many many times. Over and over again. Nonstop. To this day. I still have problems with trust. So with the slightest lack of affirmation, denial of wrong doings, or hidden truths, I will be set back. I will lose trust in another person. It will take time to get it back. For you to be trustworthy again, it will take effort on your part.

Often we look for a simple explanation, apology or just to be heard and understood. If these are not met then how can you trust that person again?

It all comes down to this – love. Genuine love. Genuine feelings of unconditional love for another. If you truly love one another it will be easy to provide an apology, allow them to be heard, affirm their value to you, be open and honest of all things. Empathize. Forgive. Treat them as you want to be treated.

In my life, I’ve seen and realized the most difficult of all, apologize. Apologize if you have hurt their feelings. Recognize your mistake and apologize. You may think you did nothing wrong, but in their eyes, you did, and it hurt, and they may feel betrayed and may no longer trust you. But sometimes a simple recognition of what you did and apologizing for it shows how much they are of value to you. Putting your own ego aside. From there, trust can rebuild and bonds become stronger.

But if we don’t humble ourselves, admit to wrongdoing, acknowledge that we in fact can hurt someone else’s feelings, because we are not perfect, it has the potential of destroying the relationship. Genuine love, unconditionally loving one another will restore these broken ties but it takes work and effort if we don’t take the first step with empathy and humbleness.

On the other end of the equation is forgiveness. We are all so prideful that we may never apologize because in our eyes we can never do wrong. It’s so important to be humble, acknowledge our mistakes and grow from them to become a better human being. With apology and forgiveness there is room for more love. Forgiving one another and also, forgiving yourself.

If I cannot forgive myself for my own human mistakes, then it would be difficult to forgive or accept another person’s. We, as women, tend to be so hard on ourselves. We expect more from ourselves, forgetting that we can only do or take so much. We have limits. This is ok.. to have limits. To say no. To walk away. To put ourselves first. To be forgiving. And realize that other’s need this too.

With forgiveness and unconditional love of self and others, trusting would be much easier no? Actually, no. There are so many other factors and elements that influence our ability to trust. Like past experiences, childhood, betrayals, relationships, blahblahblah this can go on and on and on…

But if we keep faith, have love, light heart and laughter, maybe it will be easier. Maybe.

Love In The Time Of Quarantine

Posted on by
Reply

Being married during this time is interesting. Well, I haven’t ever been married before, let alone during a quarantine. So my perspective is fresh and a bunch of firsts for me. Nor have I ever lived through a pandemic where we were forced to isolate ourselves at home. We are stuck at home. We are forced to stay inside. We are forced to face our family members, spouses, children, loved ones, roommates, 24-7. The only escape is work (if you’re an essential worker) or a short stint to the corner store (if it’s open) or better yet, walking your dog. Irritation levels are at its max.

I dedicate this post to my husband, mainly because he is the most patient, caring, calm, loving human being in my life and who has the biggest frikin ego I know. The one person that has vowed to love me, support me, care for me till our dying days. Damn that’s a long time! Lol!

These past few months have not been easy. Throw us into a pandemic when we have to stay in a small house regardless of bad days, moody days, overwhelming days, covid days. We don’t always want to address the issues. And at times we don’t. But we try to get to a better place every time. Even though we don’t know what we’re doing.

I have learned a lot about us. I’ve learned about what it takes to be married to each other. I have definitely had to re-learn things I’ve forgotten about him, as well as myself, and then us as a couple. I’m still learning when and how to shut my mouth and listen. To trust the process. To work on progression. To be the best person I possibly could be as a wife and stepmother. I’m still a work in progress. This is going to take more than quarantine to get to where I want to be.

Admitting when we are hurt, upset, wrong, to each other is something we have to work on. This quarantine is forcing us to face it head on. I am no where near perfect. I’m still working on my faults. And maybe it’s the universe’s way of saying, “stay inside and take care of your shit! Get through it together!”.

I know that sometimes words do not say it all. Half of it is actions that speak volumes. I hope that I can continue to show him how much he is appreciated and grateful for what he has taught me and given me this far. For being patient with me and simply loving me.

Every argument, discussion, date, meal, time we share together is a growing period for me and as well as us, as husband and wife.

“Who is that lucky woman in the scrubs married to that handsome, sweet guy?”

That’s me.

How do you show your spouse/partner they are appreciated? What do you do to get through the rough times during the pandemic to minimize irritation? How are you all keeping sane right now?

The Non-Date

Posted on by
Reply

“We should date”

“No, you’re not my type”

“Why?”

“You want the honest truth?”

“Yes”

“Are you ready to hear the honest truth? Don’t be mad.”

“Yes, I’m ready”

“Okay, well, you’re not my type. You’re too young. You have kids with different women. You don’t make enough money. You don’t have a career. You won’t meet my needs and I have high expectations.”

“Wow tell me how you really feel!”

“Well, you wanted to hear the honest truth. So, it ain’t gonna happen.”

“Well, I’d be happy just to be your friend.”

“Okay.”

“What are you doing on Monday? We should watch a movie.”

“Ummm, not if it’s date.”

“No, just to go out and do something”

“Ok we can do that.”

Someone once told me that I should write this all down. In this story you’ll find out how I met my husband and why I ended up marrying someone who was totally not “my type”. At 43 years old I thought 8 years apart was way too young for me. But we all know it’s life experience that helps build a person’s character, maturity and knowledge. The tragedies, the ex-girlfriends/boyfriends, our family life, children, work, that shape our minds and relationships and what ultimately brought us to find each other.

Robert and I have worked with each other for about a year before we actually started talking. He was a nurses aid on my floor and I was one of the nurses that had the privilege of having him work with me. I found him to be super shy at first. But as the weeks went by he came out of his shell and we soon found what a good guy he was. He was a hard worker, pleasant, no drama, just there to work and do a good job. He was easy to get along with and eventually we all became friends and went out for drinks. Soon we would find ourselves going out for some sushi after a pm shift and continued to be friends, texting, talking, sushi.

We went on our “non-date” the Monday after Thanksgiving in 2015. I was assured that this was not a date and that we both had the day off, no plans, and well why not catch a movie? No harm in that? He already knew that “it ain’t gonna happen” and I only agreed to go with him as long as it was not a date. So there. We’re all good. So we decided he was going to pick me up and we would go to lunch and watch a movie. Thought nothing of it.

Until he arrived at my apartment and I went downstairs to hop into the passenger seat of his truck… where I found the biggest bouquet of the most beautiful flowers I’ve ever received. Ugh why did he have to do that??! That just immediately tugged at one of my heart strings.

I gave him this suspicious look and said thank you. We smiled and laughed at the fact that I was surprised but weirdly happy about it at the same time. That simple thoughtful act of whatever was a total game changer. He tugged at my heart strings and it got me intrigued. I brought him upstairs to put the bouquet in a vase and soon after we were on our way to have lunch somewhere. We thought it would be nice to walk around the mall and see if there was a restaurant that caught our eye. Initially, this helped to keep it casual. But after that display nothing seemed so casual anymore.

We ended up at this Irish pub. A new restaurant. Grand openning in fact. We ordered, we shared, we ate, and after our meal we soon found we were surrounded by the whole restaurant staff. I’m talking from the kitchen staff to the manager to the cleaning staff of the restaurant, were all standing around in a half circle facing us, all smiles, with a slice of cake and candle like it was someone’s birthday celebration, “We’d like to thank you for being our very first customers and celebrate this occasion with a complimentary dessert for the both of you!”. They stood there smiling, taking pictures of us, as a couple, with our celebration cake, as we looked at each other in disbelief, “What is happening?! This is a non-date! Why are they taking pictures of us??”. Nothing but pure comedy and an unforgettable moment of 2 people just casually having lunch at a new restaurant on their non-date.

We walked out of that restaurant hand-in-hand with genuine laughter, enjoying what we just experienced together. Wait what? Hand-in-hand? Get the eff outta hear!

Yup! Uh-huh! We were now holding hands. Who reached for who first though? I mean, that doesn’t really matter, it just happened right? Right. So it’s 2015 and Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2 just came out. We’re walking towards the movie theatre (hand-in-hand) and we both want to watch this movie so we buy tickets and at this point it didn’t matter who bought the tickets because it was still a non-date and bizarre events have taken place thus far. We pick upper middle seats for a good view, sit down, get comfortable and halfway through the movie I notice how warm he felt. He emits this heat, it’s like he’s a walking heater. It was cold in the theatre so, I naturally gravitate towards his naturally warm arms. We felt so comfortable together that we didn’t want the non-date to end. We hopped over to the next theatre to catch another movie, Crumpus. Not the movie we expected but it didn’t matter. We realized we liked being around each other…. More tugging of the heart strings.

The movie ended and as we walked out he noticed he got a few missed calls on his cellphone and one was from the hospital with a voice message stating his mother was admitted for a heart attack and is in the ICU. Wtf! We were anxious and shocked and he was a little scared so we dropped his truck off at my place and used my car so that I could take him to the hospital. I know, both confusing and kinda irrelevant. It was 45min away and I didn’t want him to drive in this state of mind. We get to the ICU and on this non-date I get to meet his mother for the first time. He introduced us and we began to ask the obvious questions. She talked about the series of events that led up to her surgery. She was ok, strong and she was healthy considering she just had a stent placed in her heart.

Soon his mom needed to use the bathroom but was under strict orders to stay in bed, flat… Here we go. On our non-date we both jump into full on nurse and assistant mode and get her on a bedpan. His mom insisted we call the nurse but we explained that this is what we do everyday so she agreed. Since it wasn’t appropriate for him to clean her up I had the honours, on our non-date-meeting-his-mom-for-the-first-time, to wipe her clean. Good thing she has no recollection of this at all!

It was 2am and I really wanted to brush my teeth. We went to the nursing station and asked for a toothbrush but only allowed us one toothbrush since it was only for the patient. We both wanted to brush our teeth, so how was this going to work? I brushed my teeth, rinsed it out and passed it to him and said, “Well after all that has happened to us today, if it ain’t official, it most definitely is now!” as he takes the toothbrush and brushes his teeth!

It was 3:30am and he drove us back to my place to get his car. We stood in front of each other, he took me in his arms, and we recalled all the bizarre moments that simply justified a sweet goodbye kiss.

When it feels right you just go with it and not fight it. I soon found myself looking past all the check-list items I wanted him to be and saw a sweet and gentle soul.

We eloped 10 months later. Best non-date in my life.

Have you ever been on a non-date? How did it end? Tragic events and trauma often bring people closer, what events brought you closer to others?