On May 13, 2007, Mother’s Day, I was at work and in a patient room when my coworker out in the hallway calls out to me, “Hey Jennifer? You have a phone call at the nursing station. It’s some dude”. I took the phone call and it was my brother, “Jenni are you with anyone? K, are you sitting down? K, sit down”. I knew, at that point, it wasn’t good. It was bad. Extremely bad. The worst. Ever. Dad passed away, at home, of what we believe was a massive heart attack.

If I recount that day, the most unforgettable moment was my flight home. I am most grateful for my roommate at the time, who booked a red-eye for me that same night. That flight was the most dreadful, uncomfortable, scariest flight ever for me. I felt alone. I didn’t want to sit in the middle of two strangers for 5 hours straight. I didn’t want to be on a plane. I wanted to feel nothing. The hurt was so much that what I needed to do was curl up in a ball in the corner of the plane until I landed in YYZ. But I was stuck, beside another girl who was balling her eyes out for her own reasons. I bit my tongue, held my breath, kept my eyes closed, did anything I could so that I didn’t shed a tear on the plane. The girl next to me was a mess. I, on the other hand, held my shit together. The last thing I needed was to cry uncontrollably to a stranger who was already crying uncontrollably. We were flying in the middle of a storm and the turbulence was the worst I felt. I thought to myself, “Okay, this is it. This is how it’s gonna end, on an airplane about to crash, on my way to bury my own father”.

Losing my dad made me realize something…that a love for your own dad is like no other. It’s unfortunate that it took death to make me realize this. But after he was gone I felt like I lost my long lost love. Is this weird? I mean, he was the very first man in my life so, make sense in a way. He was the first man that taught me how a woman should be loved and cared for. Dad was the first man that set an example for all the rest of the men that were to come into my life. Losing him was losing a part of my heart. But a wise person once told me, “Your father is inside you. He runs through your blood. He will always remain a part of you and has never left you.”

It took a year for me to begin healing. A whole year went by and I wanted to commemorate my father. So I bought a puppy. Yes, a dog. Dad always wanted a dog but mom never liked dogs. Being by myself in California with no family close by, having a pet was perfect for me. It was also a way of doing something for my dad that he never got a chance to do.

We didn’t grow up with pets. So, I did my research and found the right breed for my lifestyle. Boxer dogs are known to be very energetic, requiring a lot of activity and exercise. This was a good fit because this dog would get me out and walking or running everyday, which is also what dad loved to do. Boxers also are very good with children, they are affectionate, and have a fun-loving character. They had short hair and didn’t require a lot of grooming. These were all good traits and exactly what Dad would have wanted too.

Reine was a converter. If you were afraid of dogs, didn’t like dogs, or never had a dog before for whatever reason, Reine was the one dog who would convert you into a dog-lover. When you walk into the room, she knew she would win you over just by sitting on your lap. And if you were too nervous or scared, Reine was relentless and did not give up on you. You never had any interest in dogs? It’s ok, by the end of your visit, she will have you giving her a walk. She loved everyone who walked into her home. And everyone who came to visit, fell in love with her by the time they had to say goodbye.

When Reine passed away in 2018, it was like losing my father all over again. My heart shattered. I felt like someone took my heart and torn it into pieces. Reine was my “person”, my comfort, my anti-depressant. She was my therapy dog even before I knew that therapy dogs were a thing!. I took her everywhere with me, including hula class. She took care of me and gave me unconditional love. Exactly what I needed to heal and get through dad’s death. I can never ever repay her for what she has given me, my family and my friends. Reine, you were my number 1. My sweet girl. You are irreplaceable and will always be remembered as the puppy who healed me. Your paw prints are forever engraved in my heart.